Anatomy of a Stream of Consciousness

[begin]

warmth of a hug, light of a smile, passion of a kiss, ferocity of sex, fireworks, brilliant stars, shattering glass, goose feathers, cold water, moments of silence, bits of sunshine, shadows of moonlight, golden beams.

pause.

laughter of a child, crushing of a can, leaves crunching in the winter, crisp wind on a sunny day, clear blue sky.

pause

cat's soft fur, bird's sharp beak, dog's panting breath, the burn at the back of your throat when drinking a cold carbonated beverage first thing in the morning or when you are parched thirsty

[gasp]

pause --

(longer pause because that last stream exerted more energy)

[refocus]

tinny laugh of a sitcom track ..... clickity click clack of fingers tapping on a keyboard ..... gurgling of a fish tank ....

[stream slows down ... .my brain now is recovering ... it begins to notice its surroundings, I suppose]

[refocus]

the sound of my heartbeat, beating not for myself, but for you.

[you see, my thoughts begin and end with you. you are the bookend that holds me together]

Aroma Therapy

I have a minor problem: I can't taste or smell. Due to an error on my part, I had an experience resulting in a skull fracture that damaged my olfactory nerve, which controls the part of our brain that register smell and aids in detecting tastes.

I say minor problem because most people don't understand; they take their senses for granted.

The smell of coffee grinds, the smooth taste of good beer, the aroma of coffee or bacon in the morning, the rich velvety taste of Valentine's chocolate, the sweet and intoxicating perfume of a newborn baby, the crisp scent of autumn -- all things I can no longer appreciate. Things that just serve as a distant memory; a placemark to remind me of a mistake I made once in my life.

I joke about it now; it is useful at times. I can shoot vodka straight (without even making the squinchy face), and I can be around sweaty nasty people without gagging. (Okay, maybe the last one isn't that useful but what if I am on a subway full of sweaty basketball players. I cannot foresee a situation like this ever happening but you never know .... ).

I joke about it but it still bothers me deep inside. Our sense of smell is our livelihood. We connect certain smells with memories we have stored in reference to the smell. We associate certain tastes with certain foods that invoke feelings of comfort or feelings of release.

It is a depressing, stripping that leaves me feelings robbed and empty at times. While "favorite" dreams include sex with supermodels and winning the lottery, mine usually involves me being able to taste a Baby Ruth. Pretty hot stuff.

So as you go about your day today, take time to smell the roses (pun intended). Take time to savor that last bite of Porterhouse. Swish a good wine around in your mouth. Pause and consider what your life would be like without that taste or smell.

Hold your nose for a minute and ponder what your life would be like if that was your existence. Then welcome yourself to my world.

I Do.

Six months since my world turned upside down. Six months of joy of discover.

Six months since MW walked into my life.

It seems like such a short time to others, but man, 6 months is a lifetime to me.

You know, I feel like I live a hundred lifetimes -- a HUNDRED -- in a day. This means that in every month that has passed, we have learned who we are ... who we are not ... and what we want out of each other. We are lovers, parents, friends, therapists, cooks, Maguyvers, teachers, students, children, adults ... and so much more. We learn a little more about each other every day. It is like an adventure.

One week ago, MW took our relationship to the next level and asked me to be his wife.

It was a beautiful, impromptu proposal ... spontaneous and full of the love I know he holds for me in his heart.

I said yes. Yes to a life with him. Yes to accept all the love he can give me, as yes to hoping I can give him half as much ....

So this, is my proposal to you, MW:

I love you. I have known it since the day I met you. It grows every day and expands my heart, making it beat only for you. Never doubt that you are the only man that will ever excite me ... ever make my heart skip a beat ... ever make me miss your touch so much my body aches for you.

I will be your wife. I will take your name and hope to make you as happy as you have made me.

That is my promise to you ...